UNRAVELED

What in the wide, wide, bloody world of sports was that?!?!?

It sure as hell wasn’t the thrill of victory. No sir. It wasn’t the agony of defeat either. We witnessed a defeat in agony.

W. T. F.

I don’t even know where to begin? I’d like to say it left me speechless, but unfortunately I have a lot of speech to speak about this fiasco. And most of them autocorrect to DUCK. Seriously, autocorrect? Who says what the duck?!?!?! And you call yourself a “smart phone.” Smart my ass.

Blogging for me is usually a form of catharsis. We don’t need catharsis after that. We need an exorcism! And maybe an enema. Get rid of that shit forever!

As I walked out of the morgue, um the stadium, the PA announcer blared “We hope you had an enjoyable afternoon at Beaver Stadium.”

Seriously?!?!?! I mean: SERIOUSLY ?!?!?!?!? Shut up you! Stifle Edith!

Just what part was freaking enjoyable? Watching your team play like a high school team on a college field? And a not very good high school team at that! Watching a team at one time ranked 4th in the nation (can we say, OVER-RATED now) lose to an unranked 2-5 team (now 3-5) that they were picked to beat by more than 23 points! Christ Almighty! Lord and Savior! We weren’t even CLOSE! Or maybe it was enjoying the competent officiating we’ve all come to know and love in the Big Ten. Good grief, it was so bad, I’m not sure who really benefitted from that maelstrom of yellow flags. I swear they just started throwing them late in the game and then checked their magic eight ball to see what they were going to call. Was that an ineligible receiver downfield or was it offensive pass interference? We may never know! I’m not sure the refs know. And there’s really no point to ever review anything. They still can’t seem to get it right better than 50% of the time. I swear they just flip a coin.

We were not prepared. And we had TWO DUCKING WEEKS TO PREPARE FOR THIS! This travesty against football came after a BYE week! I hope to God we were looking ahead to Ohio State because if we weren’t we have nothing to look for ahead. Next week is going to be a blood bath. A very scarlet blood bath.

The coaching staff should be ashamed of themselves. There are very few times I come away embarrassed to be a Penn State fan but that was an EMBARRASSMENT. A DISGRACE. AN EPIC FAIL. MY CAP LOCK IS STUCK.

Illinois dominated us. Period. No sugar coating. This wasn’t about PJ Mustipher not being able to play. One man does not make a defense, any more than one QB makes an offense. Clifford was clearly not 100% and it appeared we wasted running backs and tight ends trying to protect him when they should have been part of the offensive game plan.

I never dreamed our defense would collapse so badly. The Illini ripped off chunks of yardage like someone with diarrhea tearing off squares of toilet paper. We still don’t have enough! More! Wad up that yardage and wipe away Penn State’s season. Flush it down the toilet.

Someone on the Illini offensive brain trust apparently saw a weakness on our left side and seemed to run the ball that way all day at will. We never adjusted. And for whatever reason, they abandoned that in over time or we could have gone home a lot sooner.

NINE over times. It was as if neither team wanted to win. We couldn’t run the ball all game yet insisted on running the ball in OT. They couldn’t pass the ball all day, yet seemed hell bent to win on the pass. They eventually did. More obstinate than we were. There’s probably a mathematical theorem to explain that but it baffles me. I really think both offensive coordinators out-thinked themselves too much. But really, how much thought goes into a 10-10 tie in regulation and NINE over times?

Nine over times makes college football history. Yes. We were a part of history today. Like Napoleon at Waterloo. Or the Germans when they bombed Pearl Harbor.

And why–with over four minutes left on the clock and possession of the ball, did we play for the tie?!?!!? WHY?!?!? Answer me that! Granted, Stoudt isn’t terribly accurate beyond, oh, maybe the twenty yard line, but why not try to get into field goal range and at least try to kick a field goal? Did we have that little faith in our defense that we just settled to run out the clock and go to OT?

I hate this new OT. Nothing but two point conversions after the second OT???? Who’s ducking brilliant idea was that?!?!? Perhaps our biggest offensive weakness outside of not having a running game–and perhaps because we have no running game–is our short yardage game. Especially at the goal line. We were doomed once we failed to win in the first two over times!

And the weather kind of sucked too.

BY THE NUMBERS:

Pick a number. Any number. It probably favors the Illini. Except for passing yards, they out performed us in nearly every category. They even had more turn-overs–3-0. Not that we could capitalize on any of them.

We were shut out in the second half.

The Illini had almost 360 yards in rushing. Read that again. We have played teams like Wisconsin and Auburn. You won’t find a damning stat like that in any of those games. No we saved up our best suckage of the year for this game. Welcome Home alumni.

And while the Illini went 50% on third down conversions (9 of 18), Penn State managed a paltry 4 of 17. 24%? Give or take a suck or two. Because of this, they nearly had double the first downs that we managed.

105,001 fans my ass. Stop bragging about tickets sold. You have every seat counted at the gate electronically. Just tell us how many of us there are. It wasn’t close to a 100,000. Hell, half the students didn’t even show up for this mess. Or at least give us both numbers: tickets sold and fans that actually showed up. Inquiring minds want to know.

INTANGIBLES:

Penn State won the toss and deferred. We lost the toss in the first OT.

Drum Major made both flips. The Alumni Band was enthusiastic and inimitable as always.

Penn State still leads the all-time series 20-6. But this travesty was one of those six. I’m still shaking my head in disbelief.

Franklin’s name has been bantered about for the USC and now LSU job. I’m guessing he’s coached his way off both those lists at this point. Yeah Us. I’m not so sure.

THE BIG (TEN) PICTURE:

Future is hazy. Ask again later.

As if I even care anymore. IF we make it to a bowl game–and I’m not sure we can beat Rutgers at this point–it will likely be a bottom tier bowl in mid December.

LOOKING AHEAD:

Seriously? We have to travel to Columbus to face the Buckeyes 7:30 next Saturday. Be prepared. Liquor up ahead of time. You can probably go to bed at the half. Maybe I’m over-reacting, but that’s how I see it right now. We didn’t show up for this game. Why expect them to show up next week?

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