Category Archives: Humor

Tomczak Flak: Mis-leading Man

I went to a Johnstown Tomahawks hockey game Saturday night.  As a promotional feature, they brought back former Pittsburgh Steeler Mike Tomczak to sign autographs.  I guess Bubby Brister was too busy and Kordell Stewart wouldn’t return their calls.

I don’t want to rain on Mike Tomczak’s parade, but he is not on any list of Pittsburgh “greats” that I could find.

Yet, here is the publicity photo that you could get autographed.  (Notice I didn’t get mine signed.  I was afraid it might diminish it’s value.  No.  I really just didn’t give a care.)


Wait?!  What?

Super Bowl XX???  That is not one of the Super Bowls that Pittsburgh played in.  Isn’t that kind of misleading?  QUARTERBACK | SUPER BOWL XX CHAMPION.  All while wearing the black and gold beneath the STEELERS logo.

On further review, Super Bowl XX was played in 1986 between the Chicago Bears and the New England Patriots.  Da Bears won 46-10 and Mike Tomczak was on that team.  He has a Super Bowl ring for that.  But according to Wikipedia,

He started no games his first year but did earn a Super Bowl ring, and saw playing time in Super Bowl XX on January 26, 1986, during the fourth quarter of the Bears’ 46–10 win over the New England Patriots on the kickoff unit, where he was penalized for a facemask penalty.[3] He was a member of the “Shuffling Crew” in the Bears’ video for The Super Bowl Shuffle, mimicking playing guitar.

That would kinda be like me claiming I had an injury playing football at Penn State (which would technically be true if I was playing catch during a tailgate party and sprained my knee.)

And why didn’t they include his guitar playing shuffle on the promo?  The Super Bowl Shuffle was nominated for a Grammy!



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Sunday Sermon: Get Behind Me, Saban

And it was written,

And the old miss answered, “Get thee behind me, Saban, for it is said, ‘only Rebel not ye against the Lord.'”

–Luke 4:8 and Numbers 14:9

Oh, how the mighty hath fallen!

Look at this place!  Not an empty pew to be seen!  I have never seen so many repenters at one time!

So many denominations in one place!  Baptists, Episcopalians, Ducks, Aggies, Huskers, Sooners, and Elephants alike!

Come now and here the word!

And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up horned frogs upon the land of Oklahoma.

–Exodus 8:7


And the Spartans laded their asses with the corn, and departed thence.

–Genesis 42:26


And upon the golden altar they shall spread a cloth of purple, and cover it with a covering of badgers’ skins, and shall put to the staves thereof.

–Numbers 4:11


As we look down the list of those anointed teams, we see much suffering and gnashing of teeth.

#1 F$U managed to avoid the upset omen, beating the Demon Deacons 43-3.  Ironic isn’t it?  Demon Deacons.  In this church???

#2 Oregon got upsot by Arizona 31-24 on Thursday night, a premonition of pain to come.

#3 Alabama got spanked by the Ole Miss, losing 23-17.

Not to be outdone, #4 Oklahoma lost to TCU 37-33.

#5 Auburn prevailed over #15 LSU.

#6 Texas A and M was beaten by #12 Mississippi State.  Lot’s of rejoicing in that state today!

#7 Baylor took care of Texas 28-7.

# 8 UCLA lost to Utah 30-28.

#9 Notre Dame used some Irish luck to overcome the #14 Stanford Cardinal 17-14.

#10 MSU outlasted #19 Nebraska 27-22.

Fifty percent of the Top 10 teams lost yesterday.

#16 USC went down to Arizona State 38-34.  Arizona is another state rejoicing today!

#17 Wisconsin fell to the Northwestern Wildcats 20-14.

#18 BYU fell to Utah State on Friday night.  Still no one paid attention to the signs!

All told, ELEVEN top-25 ranked teams choked yesterday, with the five of those ranked in the Top 8.

What can we learn from this?

Pride goeth before destruction?  (Proverbs 16:18)

The people ranking these teams don’t really know what they are doing?

It’s a really good thing Penn State didn’t play this weekend?

It ain’t over till you actually play the games?

And we will part with the wisdom and “been a dick shun” of ESPN’s premier prognosticator, Mark (Dis)May:


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Definition of Pitt Football

From Sports Illustrated’s Campus Union . . . 100 Things We’re most Excited for in the 2014 Season . . .

82. Pittsburgh’s attempt to enter ACC contention There are certain college football teams that exude confidence, precision and ferocity. Oregon is a screaming attack fighter. Alabama is a fearsome, unyielding tank. Pitt, on the other hand? Pitt is an overweight mail clerk rolling backwards down a hill in an office chair. Wide receiver Tyler Boyd is pretty good, though.

Pitt Football . . . Are you ready to RUMBLE?

Pitt Football . . . Are you ready to RUMBLE?

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Lions of the Pennsylvanian



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Adapted from THE BORN LOSER . . .


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May I Have This Dance?

What day is it?

Come on Mike, I know you can hear me!

A little Hump Day Humor . . . from the Florida Gators, who lost to Georgia Southern this past weekend.

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Sunday Sermon: The Sin of Temptation

Welcome once again to the Irreverent Church of the Gridiron.

Whether you are a Missouri fan looking for solace and answers, or an Alabama fan giving thanks for the Blessings of Saban, all are welcome here at our little church in cyberspace.

Our bible study for this week includes these verses:

Miami 24:21 – And a hurricane shall blow through the Forest, leaving behind a Wake.

Duke 13:10 – And lo, the Hokie falls before the Blue Devils.  If there be a more overrated team in the land, only the Lord knows it.

Minnesota 34:23 – Make ye an ark of Gopher Wood.  Beat the husker of corn with gopher wood.  Gopher wood is good.

But today’s sermon will focus on the age old sin of temptation.

Let’s be honest.  We are all dogs humans.  We are all sinners.  So it be with the referee.  Anyone who thinks there is a totally unbiased referee out there probably also believes in fair trials, honest politicians and tooth fairies.

I am not suggesting that there is some heinous conspiracy here.  I’m not suggesting that O$U actually pays referees to “throw” games or flags.  I’m not even suggesting that the Big Ten does that either.

But if you don’t think that each referee knows where his paycheck is coming, and that said employer benefits from a team like O$U winning each week, then I suggest you put your tooth under the pillow tonight and expect to pay your rent tomorrow with the results.

It’s simple mathematics and money.  If O$U wins out, there is a chance they could be in the title game, which opens a spot in the BCS money pot for a SECOND conference team to get a SECOND payout.  If O$U goes down, so does the chance of TWO teams cashing out big paychecks in the BCS payday.  Again, if you don’t think the referees “know this” (nudge, nudge, wink, wink), then you are either still in diapers or have been living under a rock.  By the way, you could save 15% on car insurance by switching to Geico.

Why are the referees employed by the conference they are policing?  Isn’t there a conflict of interest there?

If the NCAA survives into the future as a viable organization, and that truth is open to a lot of debate, then it should take charge and eliminate, as much as possible given that we are dealing with humans, the temptation to throw a flag or not throw a flag.  After all, some of God’s greatest gifts are unthrown flags.

The NCAA should “charge” member institutions for providing referees.   This charge would be approximately equivalent to what conferences as a whole are now paying, distributing across their membership.

From this pool, the NCAA will provide referees to games.

If a referee is an alum of a given school, they should be excluded from games that involve that school, or games whose outcomes could impact that schools ranking.  Geographic considerations would be important.  A ref living in State College should never be calling games involving Big Ten teams.  It’s that simple.

Moreover, a system of checks and balances should be implemented.  After each game, each coach gets a chance to rate each refs performance.  This rating will actually impact the refs paycheck–bad ratings earn less money than good ratings.  Refs can challenge a bad rating by a coach which could be reviewed by an independent board of former coaches and referees.  That way, there would be actual consequences for bad calls, encouraging refs to not only be impartial, but also to strive harder to actually be correct.  Coaches could also base their ratings on flags not thrown–ie complaining about holds that were not called, and these could be reviewed later for confirmation or not.  Referees who continually get low ratings would be replaced.  And to be fair, if a ref challenges a low rating and is exonerated by a review board, the coach/school that gave the low rating could be penalized, so as to prevent coaches from arbitrarily giving bad ratings to refs they “may not like,” or as a knee jerk reflex to a bad loss.

Again, no system would be perfect.  Mistakes are made that have nothing to do with bias.  The ref has two eyes and can’t see everything.  But the impact this has on the outcomes of important games, and the amounts of money riding on those games, begs for a better, more impartial system.

That’s our view from the pulpit.

Go Forth and Spread the Word.  If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter!


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